There are two accounts in the bible that are truly captivating and need to be highlighted to understand why we should cultivate a life based on the principle of forgiveness. The first account is about Dinah’s rape in Genesis 34. She was the daughter of Jacob (Israel) and was avenged by her brothers. The second account was about a similar issue, King David’s daughter Tamar was raped by her half-brother and avenged by her brother Absalom (2 Samuel 13). In both accounts, the brothers who sought revenge understandably showed profound bitterness and pain toward the situation. However, their bitterness and lack of forgiveness had bad consequences. One in which God had to intervene and the other concluded in death. Both accounts raise the question “How do we turn the other cheek and not seek revenge when we cannot bypass such a painful event?”. This is what author and public speaker Lysa Terkeurst tackled in her book arrayed with beautiful wisdom from experience.
Below are 3 nuggets of wisdom from this book to start you on your journey of forgiveness.
Wanting revenge is normal?
At the beginning of her very honest book, Terkeust explores the ins and outs of her feelings when finding out she was cheated on by her husband. She uses the words ‘resentment’ and ‘vindication’ as a feeling she became familiar with during her healing journey “Resentment cloaked itself in a banner marked with the word vindication, making me believe that the only way to get free of my pain was to make sure those who caused it hurt as badly as I did”. This is certainly a familiar feeling when living in the world we live in as we are taught to retaliate when hurt from a very young age. However, Christians are called to be different. Our different ways of dealing with conflicts from the world, should not bottle up our feelings in the archives of our hearts. We need to acknowledge them, go through our pain, sit with our grief, and take the decision to allow God to help us to forgive. This will also allow us to then develop or continue healthy relationships with people around us.
Seeking revenge will hurt others and yourself
In Absalom’s account, his thirst for revenge caused his death and hurt his father, David, strained his relationship with the rest of his family, and alienated him from the whole of Israel. By taking revenge, Absalom did not only kill his brother, he set himself up for his downfall. In Jacob’s account, although God intervened and put the fear of Jacob and his family on the whole land, Jacob had to run away from where he was to not risk the lives of his people. If God did not intervene his family and himself would be dead because of his sons’ revenge. Seeking revenge is then not only dangerous for ourselves but it could be harmful to others. Terkeurst confirms that “if healing hasn’t been worked out and forgiveness hasn’t been walked out chaos is what will continue to play out”. Indeed, we saw it with Absalom and many other unforgiving characters such as Esau in the bible.
Being after God's own heart: Don't give up on forgiveness
No one has ever said that forgiveness is easy. God flooded the earth because of the harm we were causing to one another and to Him. The Bible says that “The Lord regretted that He had made mankind on the earth, and He was deeply grieved in His heart” (Genesis 6:6). God did not stop there, His first redemptive act was to give grace to Noah. Thereafter, through the Bible narrative, he did it again and again with Abraham, Jacob, Moses, Joshua, David, and finally through our Lord and Saviour Jesus for the whole of humanity. This is one reason why David was after God’s own heart. David could have killed Saul twice and did not. He was forgiving and understanding of his son Absalom, he forgave countless of his enemies. Although, he was fierce in battle and would fight for his people’s freedom. David would not move, attack, or vindicate out of his pain, anger, or grief unless God would tell Him to. His heart of flesh and not of stone would be the reason why we will forever identify David as “the one after God’s own heart”. Terkeurst does tell us that God understands the unfairness inflicted on us but holding on to it, will hurt us, this is why she sees forgiveness as a weapon against the enemy’s agenda on our lives. The enemy wants us bitter, angry, lacking peace, and revengeful. Forgiving is going to battle against these schemes and walk in God’s love. She adds “There is nothing more powerful than a person living what God’s Word teaches”.
Conclusion
Finally, the bible tells us “Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge, I will repay ” says the Lord” (Romans 12:19). We know you’d wish bad things to happen when God avenges you but our God is a God of love. If God avenges you, it will come with a lesson that will bring your perpetrator towards grace rather than hardship. However, you can be sure that God is for you and he shall bring you and your perpetrator into a place of healing, depending on how healing may look, as it may vary from one person to another. Healing does not always results in reconciliation. Ask God to help you to develop a forgiving heart, tend to your wounds, do not stop yourself from seeking professional help alongside navigating healing with the Holy Spirit and Order “Forgiving what you can’t forget” here
Words by Gassy Traore
